•Criticism –This is not the same as feedback, instead it isn’t constructive and usually focuses on things like personality, character, or interests, where as feedback deals with a specific action or behavior you’d like to see changed.
•Contempt – This involves comments specifically designed to insult, or show disrespect towards someone. Often it derives from a lack of interest in another person, so the experts suggest trying to find some common ground to keep your interest.
•Defensiveness – Seeing yourself as the victim, or doing things like denying responsibility, making excuses, and meeting one complaint with another is a sign of defensiveness, which can make it harder to focus on bigger issues. To overcome this, try really listening to a person’s issue, whether you agree with it or not.
•Stonewalling – Withdrawing as a way to avoid conflict is one example of stonewalling, as is shutting down or refusing to respond, like giving someone the silent treatment or ignoring a person. Such behavior will prevent a couple from working out their problems.
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